Misconception

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Luis has angst. (This is in response to Aqua Lion’s statement that Luis gets no angsty fics).

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“Mendoza! What’s wrong?” Charlie asks as we change after the game.

Wonderful. Captain Duck to the rescue. I paste a smile on my face. “Why would anything be wrong?”

“You don’t seem yourself today,” he comments.

I have to fight a laugh. I don’t seem myself? How would he know? Nobody knows me. I thought Mindy did, but I was obviously deluded. I almost snap There’re only two girls on the team, I’m bored of hitting on both of them, but the sarcasm would be lost on him. He’d probably just give me an indulgent nod and walk away thinking he’d successfully got to the bottom of my lack of enthusiasm today.

Instead I bump up the smile another few notches and tell him I’m fine.

I head to the showers before he can say anything else.

It’s entertaining (in a deeply unfunny way) that I’m labelled the flirt of the team. I’ve dated exactly one person since the Ducks have known me.

I didn’t date anyone during the Goodwill Games. I’ve never seriously flirted with either Connie or Julie—except for complimented them when they both needed cheering up. Connie likes to flirt with me to get Guy riled up when he’s not paying enough attention to her, but I rarely reciprocate.

It took me a long time to get Mindy’s attention, I wasn’t about to blow it to bolster Connie’s ego. And besides, Guy’s a friend.

But where’s Mindy now?

Well, that’s a funny story.

Please note my use of irony there.

You found hope, you found faith.
Found how fast she could take it away.
Found true love, but lost your heart.
Now you don’t know who you are.

“You’re what?” I ask in shock.

“Pregnant,” she states in a low voice, her gaze fixed on the floor.

A million thoughts rush through my mind. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised, but that doesn’t mean I’m not pleased.

“You’re having our baby?” I move to touch her stomach but she lifts a hand up to stop me.

She made it easy, made it free.
Made you hurt till you couldn’t see.
Sometimes it stops, sometimes it flows.
But baby, that is how love goes.

“Not ours,” she says softly. “Or, I don’t think so.”

I feel my heart stop. I couldn’t have heard that right. I open my mouth, then realise that I have nothing to say, so I shut it again.

I take a deep breath and think it over. “So whose…?”

“Does it matter?”

I take a seat and rest my head in my hands. Does it matter? Of course it matters, to you, to me, to him, to the baby—there’s nobody it shouldn’t matter to.

It’s a secret, that no one tells.
One day it’s heaven one day it’s hell.
And it’s no fairy tale, take it from me.
That’s the way it’s supposed to be.

“Will he take care of you?” I ask. I wonder how I can calmly deal with this, my world is shattering around me and somehow I’m talking and listening as if we’re discussing which movie to rent.

She shrugs. “I don’t know. He might, if he doesn’t think that it’s yours.”

“Do you know for sure?”

She shakes her head.

“Then don’t tell him!” I implore. “Break up with him, I’ll take care of you. We talked about getting married before, why not now? I love you, Mindy.”

You laugh, you cry, no one knows why,
But oh, the thrill of it all.
You’re on the ride,
You might as well, open your eyes.

She shrugs awkwardly. “I don’t know…”

“Please…” I stand up and touch her arm. “We can make this work. I love you. It doesn’t matter if the baby might not be mine, it’s a part of you, and I love you both.”

She lets out a strangled chuckle. “Listen to yourself.”

“I am!” I reply defensively. “I’m listening to you too. That other guy might not want anything to do with you, I know I do.”

“I’ll take my chances,” she mutters, moving towards the door.

“Why?” I don’t get it. I thought we were in love.

She takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye. “I don’t feel that way about you.” She uses a gentle voice. It feels like she’s tearing me apart.

“What changed?” I choke out.

“Nothing,” she whispers. “I’ve never…”

She runs out of the room and I’m left alone.

Except according to Mindy, I’ve always been alone, she just was sharing the same space as me for awhile.

You will fly and you will crawl.
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you’ve lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.

As I walk across the campus I see Mindy with her new guy. They look happy. I feel sick as he strokes her stomach and whispers in her ear.

She catches my eye for a brief moment, then purposefully turns her back.

I stick my hands in my pockets and continue walking, which is when I realise that my keys aren’t in there.

Why can’t even the simplest things work out for me?

I turn on my heel and head back to the locker room.

I pause outside the door before I go in. I don’t know why, but I do, and what I overhear make me wish I hadn’t.

“You know what I heard?” Connie says in a cheerful tone. I should have known she and Julie would still be there, they always stop to have a gossip before they leave.

“What?” Julie asks, sensing a good story.

“Mindy, Luis’s ex-girlfriend’s pregnant,” Connie says.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“Yeah, but did you hear that it’s his and Luis wouldn’t have anything to do with her when he found out?”

“No way!” Julie isn’t defending me, she’s expressing disgust that men can be so awful.

“Yes way. Luis found out and ditched her, apparently he said some really nasty things to her.”

“God! No wonder she’s with that Mick guy.” Julie sounds horrified. “I bet this isn’t his first brush with fatherhood!”

Connie giggles and they trade a few more insults about me.

Ducks fly together? These people are supposed to be my friends, I’ve never felt so betrayed.

Forget the key, I’ll just go wait outside my door until my roommate gets back.

You will fly and you will crawl.
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you’ve lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.
Even angels fall.
Even angels fall.