Leaving

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Taz is leaving, alternate universe, set in the distant future. Maya’s POV.

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I stare at her as she sits at the kitchen table and tries to explain.

“I just can’t be here anymore,” she says, the tears falling down her face. “It’s too difficult, I thought it would get easier, but it’s not.”

She stares right through me. I guess that’s part of the problem. I’m no longer here for her.

“This isn’t the way to end things,” I say softly.

She doesn’t hear and continues. “It gets worse every day, this flat seems so empty now. There’s no love here anymore. I used to love living here, it was our place, but now it’s all dead. You’re not here, I’m never here. To tell the truth I’ve spent more time sleeping on Charlie and Adam’s couch that I have here since…”

Since I left her. If there was any way to change what happened, I would have done it. If there was some way to take it back… But there isn’t. There isn’t any way back either. Not to what we had. So I’ve had to content myself with dropping in on her from time to time. It’s not the same.

She’s right, this place is empty. Emptier still if she goes. “Taz, don’t do this. Please!” I beg, not that she can hear me. She’s in tears again. Always the way, when sadness hits her, it hits full-force. When she was younger she used to hide it with insanity, but now she doesn’t. She lets the pain engulf her and she’s oblivious to everything.

She used to be like that with her art. She used to sit at her easel and you could see the world fall away from her as she was taken to the place she was drawing.

But she hasn’t even touched a paintbrush in the past six months. Right after I… left, she packed it all in boxes, locked the door to the junk room she used as a studio and didn’t look back. She gave her camera equipment to goodwill, then devoted her existence to nothing.

“Taz, please, I’m begging you, don’t do this,” I say one more time, knowing that she’s just about ready to make that final step.

She doesn’t look up.

She reaches for the knife in front of her and quickly slashes her wrists.

I know there’s no hope for her. She picked today of all days. Charlie and Adam are trying out for a new team, I forget the name. Fulton is away on a training course. Portman is around, but he came by yesterday and Taz managed to put on a believable show that she was doing ok. She even hurled some Irish at him, trying to prove that she was finally getting over my death.

Even Casey won’t stop by today, she’s at work.

So I have nothing to do but watch my lover die.

Just like she did with me.

And part of me is glad, because she will finally be with me again.

And then maybe when she’s with me we can go to that place that we’re supposed to go to. There has to be one, this can’t be it.

I hear her breathing slow and reach out to touch her.

Soon.

Notes: Yes, this is a follow-up to Over. Was in a weird mood today.